When I am able to take "Just a Moment" and listen to what I am feeling inside, perhaps I can come to better understand what is God's Will for my life and find the time to actually "picture" it...or I can do what I've always done and instead feel like I "just can't wait" and allow my anxiety and fear to build. Does anybody really know what time it is?

Then Why Am I Feeling Anxiety and Fear?  When I Allow My Expectations to Get to Where I "Just Can't Wait", Will My Time Result In What I Had Hoped For?  Perhaps If I Take "Just a Moment" And Consider God's Timing, I Won't Feel So Freaking Anxious....

First Things First....say the people who have what I want and still do, and I have learned this works if I work it and it also works very well with the concept and principle that when I am wrong I promptly admit it.  So this is where I start today.  Admitting a wrong, although I must admit, not exactly promptly.  It is kind of a major wrong, and not an intentional wrong but it was not right or factual, even though I could have sworn it was correct.  This grevious error was something I have believed to be factual for almost my entire life, was proud of my accuracy and my commitment to having all of this time and fact on my side with NO FEAR of expressing my perception of a name whom we all know quite well.  In fact I took the time to write this name and about their best friend in an entire chapter in the Book 1 of The Power of Surrender Series,  "The Power of Surrender," and how the characters and this faithful companion's journey through the Land of Oz led them to find that all they ever needed for some happiness, peace, and serenity was to find what was already there - within their hearts and souls.  And since I came from the Land of Oz, from Kansas too, to live and write in the desert I likened my journey here to bringing with me "just for the ride" amidst the many moments of my drive and proudly announced on Facebook that me, Dorothy, and "Todo" were not in Kansas anymore.  At the "moment", we were in Arizona, in the desert.  A few "moments" after my post there was a comment, from my oldest daughter who is a teacher and a very good one and as we all know teachers are always right - just kidding - but for sure they are very good at doing their homework and it behooves us to listen or in this case read.  So I read her comment, my heart sank, the humble pie choked quite readily in my throat and I saw something that I had been wrong about not for "just this moment" but for years, albeit decades!!  My beautiful daughter, the teacher, lovingly pointed out to me that "TODO'S" real name is "TOTO" and always has been.  Of course Doubting Thomas showed up, and I checked it out and she was right and I was dead wrong.  I promptly admitted it then, but I need to do so now to all of you as well.  And at the same time provide you the shocking news that I am not perfect, and with "time" it is best for me to work on progress without expectations of being perfect.  Besides, although it was my will that this faithful companion be named Todo in my heart, it was time to accept that he was really Toto all along which is very similar to what I have learned about myself when I finally set aside my will for my life and took the time and as often as possible "Just a Moment" to listen quietly to what God's will for my life might be with no expectations of anything!!  Afterall it is much more peaceful this way, and certainly "most of the time" I feel less anxious and here on the desert most of the time if I silence the white noise in and around me it's as "pretty as a picture" and I find myself capturing a moment that I share with you above, which gets me to thinking....which I often do

Although as disappointing as it felt when my heart sank to find out that Todo really is Toto, I quickly recovered because I was not in Kansas anymore and some of my hopes, dreams, and tempered expectations here in the beautiful southwest with the painted desert include visions and fantasies of Tonto, Silver, and making some new Kimosabe's even if it means I am a Lone Ranger for a while.  Being alone is not as anxiety filled nor fearful as it used to be, and I have the added comfort and knowledge that if I do need to H.A.L.T....I can always visit and be welcome to spend some time with the wonderful people who have what I want and still do.  The best part is not only the wisdom and knowledge I have been gifted but also, much like Todo becoming Toto in fact and truth, I don't have to live for these moments because "I just can't wait," or because I am tingling with excitement and unbridled expectations of some imagined soon to be miracle or impossibility that will propel me to potential anxiety and fear that when the "moment" comes it will not be what I envisioned in my will, in my time, most of which too often led to mistakes I never knew I was making.  Instead of allowing a person or event dictate feelings and perceptions of what I "think" I should do, I can be still and wait to feel from the inside and be guided to do what is best for me, what I need, and when it is "time" I will know it....and time will be on my side and not my enemy.  Which gets me to thinking, which I often do....

That if she has not already done so, I will soon hear my good friend Mindy back in Kansas with or without Todo/Toto wondering when I am going to get to the point.  The point, just for today, is that I really don't have a point.  At least not a single, specific point.  Nothing particularly earth shattering or profound, dramatic, or that you "just can't wait" to read.  What I do have, despite the truth and reality, that although I had hope with tempered expectations of how MY life would unfold as I adjust to the desert it has not been without unexpected experiences, moments, and picures lacking peace and serenity.  Some have been wonderful, others tragic, and at times even what I could describe as feeling damaging or at a minimum threatening to my serenity.  And most of the time, not surprisingly, I understand as perhaps few others can who live or have lived with the family disease of alcoholism are indirectly and/or directly a result of the affects of this disease.  Understanding that although it comes with varying degrees of damage, if I can learn to let go of the past, not subject myself to being in a state of anxiety and potential fear because I "just can't wait" to know the outcome of the future, I can accept that all I know for certain is whatever peace and serenity I can find in "Just a Moment".  It may not be a solution, it may not be what is in My Will, but if I can find the time to not worry about the wait perhaps Time will be on my side afterall and in doing so perhaps I will find Time is not the enemy but it is in fact a gift and it does not matter if I or anyone really knows what time it is....all I need to know is that God does and perhaps this Power greater than myself has a much better understanding of not only when I need healing but also when and if I can silence the white noise in and around me for "Just a Moment" I and you just might feel grateful and find that when the time is right it is possible a future moment may be beyond our wildest dreams....and even a glimpse of the ultimate "moment" when our minds and bodies are freed of this desire of feeling we "just can't wait" as there is no longer anything to wait for....not only does the damage no longer control our lives  neither does our will and what is beyond even our dreams is The Light, The Power, and when we are Welcomed Home....Just a Moment of peace and serenity becomes eternal as it was always meant to be -it's time - and when all is said and done it's also the point providing clearer meaning for today....take "Just a Moment" and turn the page for the Power of Surrender