If I Bite My Tongue....

There is a right time and a right place for everything, especially when there is something very important to say. However, in order to maintain my Serenity sometimes it is best to either wait or not say a word.

 

Will it hurt? Or Will I Find Sometimes It Is Better to Wait or Not Say Anything At All

God Grant Me the Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot Change,

Courage to Change the Things I can,

And  Wisdom to Know the Difference.

Most, if not all of you, will readily recognize this as The Serenity Prayer.  This is the short version, there is a longer one, that perhaps many of you are not so familiar.  I will include this later in today's "installment."  The short version serves a purpose, the long version expands on this purpose as it sheds some "Light" on my favorite place. The place where I have been, where Serenity is beyond abundant in The Light Beyond The Light and how Serenity can show me the way today if I can accept each moment in this life I will find so much more in a continuous moment of eternity.  For me, I had to not only learn what Serenity is, I had to learn to feel it, and then I had to learn that once I have found it, I have a choice to keep it or reject it.  Who knew?  I have also learned that in addition to accepting what I cannot change, and finding the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference is not just in my actions and thoughts.  It is also in what I say, or don't say.  I had a lot to learn.  For me, almost always and still sometimes to this day, not only was I quick to think and act I was also quick to speak and not always with a whole lot of wisdom or much thought for that matter.  Along with sometimes talking too much I went the opposite direction and "bit my tongue" when it was in my best interests to speak up but I learned at times at a young age the meaning of the word "Shutup".  I hope since we just celebrated Thanksgiving and hopefully with family, friends, or both none of you bit your tongue while enjoying your turkey if that is your tradition and I also hope that you enjoyed an abundance of blessings to be thankful for and found some Serenity in feeling Grateful.  Unfortunately, to think this was a day of bliss and wonder and total appreciation everywhere is rather altruistic.  Just as I am sure Thanksgiving comes once a year, I am sure there were familiy and friends gathered in which there was an abundance of food, drink, and tongues that should have been bitten.  Perhaps too large of a helping of sarcasm, or negativity, or unnecessary feelings and relationships hurt or ruined from that paradoxical "serenity" found in too much alcohol....in too many homes....in too many families lacking acceptance, courage and wisdom to know there is and can be a difference.  And both tongues lashing out and those bitten in silence are symptoms of the White Elephant in the room at the head of the table and perhaps amongst the attendees is one child or more wishing and hoping all the adults would just shutup and feeling very confused as to just what there is to be thankful for, much less being alive.  They bite their tongue because they have been told to and it hurts.  The confusion comes in the examples being set and the message being sent with little or no wisdom and a whole lot of attitude, which gets me to thinking....which I often do.

I wrote in both "The Power of Surrender" and "What Grandpa Knows" of several instances in which I either had "learned" to bite my tongue and not speak up, or spoke up when it would have been better if I hadn't.  I did not mention one other time when I leaned the "power" of the word shutup.  I was somewhere around the age of two or three, I did not know what the word meant but had obviously "heard it somewhere", and thinking I was cool I said to my mom very emphatically and with no hesitation:  "Shutup Mom"!  I was immediately greeted with to be the most frightening and sternest of looks. and not a tongue but an index finger being bitten first and then sternly pointed in my face with an emphatic:  "Don't you ever tell me to shutup again, I'm your mother and I never want to hear you say that word again ever!"  When my mom was pissed at you, she never had to say anything because her actions spoke for her.  She put her index finger between her two front teeth, bit down on them, her eyes flared with smoke and like it was fired from a cannon "that finger" was pointed at you and in your face condemned to eternal damnation.  All five foot two inches of her loomed larger than any Jolly Green Giant one could imagine.  I'm pretty sure I have never told anyone to this day to shutup in earnest or anger, for me it is the dirtiest cuss word EVER!!  So for me, biting my tongue was done out of fear and lacking the wisdom it could ever be in my best interests to speak up much less know when.  Further confusion coming with the fact that when my Father was home, he ALWAYS knew best, and he never shutup nor held anything back.  When I first met the people who had what I want I want and still do, reading The Serenity Prayer?....well it might as well have been written in Chineese. None of it made little to no sense so I kept coming back and did the one thing that did make sense to me - I shutup and listened - which gets me to thinking which I often do.

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.

 

This is the full version of the Serenity Prayer, it describes in my opinion clearly what can be found in the what for me is The Power of working and doing the best I can with what I have to live The Twelve Steps.  It simply and eloquently speaks of serenity, acceptance, gratitude, hope, being in the moment, and most importantly coming to understand God's will for my life, for yours in believing there is a Power much greater than all of us.  When I find the "wisdom to know the difference", anything can happen - and it did, it is, and it will and for two months now certainly against my will but with the Courage to have better judgement I have been biting my tongue.  This particular Thanksgiving I am certainly grateful, somewhat in awe, and for sure filled with hope and joy.  I know it is possible a few of you have read everything I have written on this site and/or in my two books.  Very few.  Some of read a significant amount, and some very little, and others perhaps check in once in a while and find something of value on any given day.  I am grateful that you do and hope when you do "listen" it helps, it is why I am here - literally.  If I had one wish, if I had one end of the wishbone and all of you had the other I would wish....just for today....you could or would read both books in the Power of Surrender Series and today, one week after the "formal" announcement on Facebook by my daughter I get the pleasure and honor of sharing with you what I have been biting my tongue and holding in for the past couple of months.  I am going to be a Grandpa again, in and of itself this is wonderful but is it extraordinary?....It's a miracle because of who this little "boy" is going to have for a mother, a father, a big sis - and one very, very special Super Brother aka Super Landon!!  Which gets me to thinking....which I often do.

I wish you could read both books from beginning to end, with the knowledge they were written in "real time" for the most part, so you can see a clearer appreciation and understanding of this Power and that what is written in the rest of the Serenity Prayer is not only possible but attainable - most of the time.  I wrote of my death and The White Light and how "it" feels when we die.  My Angel. The back story of my daughter instead of moving to CA moving to KS and marrying her husband, their daughter and her connection to my Angel.  Of my daughter Elizabeth Marie, discovering like Mary Elizabeth the mother of John the Baptist, she was barren yet still gave birth to this beautiful soul who was a miracle in and of herself.  The continuance of hope, faith, and gratitude once again miscarrying and getting up again to miraculously conceive with Landon, Super Hero, only to not only learn of his life threatening disease but also suffer through the pain of losing him after only 18 days never breathing on his own.  And through gratitude finding a pathway to peace by accepting this hardship.  Only to dauntlessly decide to try "one more time" despite being told by the "experts" she could never conceive again.  And how in between losing Landon and making the "choice" to try again, "Big Sis" Kinsley saw her baby brother and his wings, and her baby sister and her wings and how they both through her "angel eyes" expressed how they wanted to come back....and when you put it all together....what was written in fragments with no knowledge of the future trying to just be in the moment a day at a time....is a "story" of real life that the words, like in the next life, do not adequately describe the emotions and the feelings in our soul that go with Serenity, Miracles, Gratitude, Thanksgiving, and the silence of grieving profound loss that we will experience over the upcoming Christmas season when we remember our Landon Super Angel for we will find the comfort needed to temper the sadness with great joy.  For Landon, coming in April, will be blessed with a baby brother.  I am overjoyed.  Almost speechless, almost tongue tied and it certainly does not hurt and I can now share what I had the wisdom to know the difference to hold in.  And I will serve one more little side dish with my Thanksgiving just for today.  We knew for several weeks Landon had a sibling on the way, we did not know until just a few days ago it is going to be a baby brother.  Well, we didn't anyway.  Someone did.  She has been emphatic for several weeks now that in her mommy's tummy is her baby brother.  Why not believe her, afterall she talks to Landon.  Read the long version of the Serenity Prayer again, pay particular attention to the part that says that If I "Surrender" to His will, He will make all things right.  This is "What Grandpa Knows" and guess what?  Apparently I can read and understand Chineese!!!  Turn the page for The Power of Surrender